on Sep 29, 2014
Thanks for the constructive feedback!
Oct 01, 2014 at 10:48am
For starters, your audio was compressed and hard to make out. Having clean dialogue is important when making a show for a live audience. Check out the AcceptableTV tutorials on iTunes, or ask around for some pointers and invest in a cheap boom mic. It works wonders!
Second, and more importantly, is the story. You started off showing an origin story (girl gets bit) and transitioned into focusing on the boyfriend deciding to kill said girlfriend, because we assume it offends his moral sense of right and wrong. When watching this at the panel it felt like you could have started at the 4 minute mark with boyfriend deciding he needs to kill his fiancee because... she's a YETI. Whoa! Girlfriend is a Yeti? I'm on board. Instead you tried to merge two stories into one.
A lot of 101 creators get hung up on making an Origin story about their unique character being born. It's surprisingly difficult to accomplish and more often than not; unnecessary.
Rob Schrab has an old method of simply starting your show on what would have been your Episode #2. (I think its referred to as 'Schrabbin it' in secret underground street racing lingo) Anyways, hit the ground running and keep going! In the middle of your pilot the characters sat down and were researching Yetis. That's kinda stagnant. What else was on their calendar for that day? Was she supposed to work a double at McDonalds today? Uh-oh! Somebody might end up with Yeti hair in their morning McGriddle!
Point being: conflict. Have your characters struggle with either life as a Yeti or wrestling with the decision to kill your girlfriend because she lied to you and she's a Yeti.
Hopefully this makes some sense. Keep submitting and you'll be surprised how much better you get at it!
Sep 30, 2014 at 12:36pm
First rejected pilot. Had a blast making it, but we missed the mark. Feedback welcome!
Sep 29, 2014 at 11:26pm
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