would enjoy feedback: https://vimeo.com/218549219 thanks from the lovingly rejected.
on May 27, 2017
Man… that’s bangin. Seriously you wrote a god damn essay, and its saintly. You’re really passionate about this and it made me smile.
Im gonna submit all the time….And you’re gonna hate all of it :)
Jun 01, 2017 at 5:17am
Thanks for submitting.
This didn't play particularly strong at the panel and, after rewatching it just now, I think it really boils down to the story. You spend a lot of precious screen time introducing the characters and the premise, without setting any story into motion (you spend half the episode in the first scene on the iceberg). I recommend looking up Dan Harmon's story circle essays as a nice place to start. They're not like "here's what stories have to be at channel101" but more like "here's a good way to look at telling a story so they are processed as stories in people's brains." Another good thing to look up is this video from the South Park guys who discuss the difference between "and then" stories and "therefore but" stories.
To me personally, none of the jokes in this land. I'm also not a fan of the talking to camera The Office style device but I would be all for it if the jokes were hitting. Anything and everything is always forgivable if the jokes are funny.
I think both episodes of Somewhere in Highland Park really captures what works at 101. Episode 2 is more of a traditional story. The main character has a goal and tries to achieve the goal as things get in the way. The story moves pretty quickly and, even though it's all mostly in that one apartment, it's separate scenes that progress in a fun and unexpected way. Episode 1 is all one scene, half of which is shots of a ceiling. And it works. Why? Because through the dialogue, we learn and care about these characters and are compelled to know what happens next. So there's no "rule" at 101 about how many scenes there has to be. But if you're doing less scenes and less story, you better make us give a whole lot of shit about the characters. And write some great jokes.
I hope you submit again!
May 31, 2017 at 7:48pm
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