Stalker - Would love all the Feedback, Where did we drop the ball, and how do we do better?
on Oct 26, 2017
Thanks for submitting. I missed the panel but just watched it. This is a fun concept but definitely a sketch and not a show. This could be more of a show if you didn't do the mocumentary format and just did it as a narrative. You set up quickly that he has this blurry face disguised voice disease and I think it would've worked better if you thrust him into a story, instead of just had talking heads talk about them. For example, he has to go on a blind date or has to assassinate the president. Anything. How does a man with a blurry face accomplish xyz, is what a story would be.
I think some of the jokes worked but mostly, especially the brother, overstayed their welcome. But I think that's just a symptom of the talking heads format thing.
My favorite part was how you guys used that cop car as part of the story. I love stuff like that.
I won't be on the panel in January either but I do hope you submit again!
Nov 10, 2017 at 1:57am
Alright thank you for taking the time to watch it and type out your feedback. Really appreciate it I will definitely apply it to my next pilot. If anyone else would love to add anything on top like a panel member, a creator, or another audience member please do. I'm really thankful for you guys doing this.
Oct 26, 2017 at 7:29pm
I think you've identified your own flaws here - the jokes weren't landing and I personally don't think it was as engaging as it could have been. It felt really serious, and I think that's why the jokes didn't really come through - if you're doing a mocumentary, you really should be mocking the documentary format but you just made a documentary about a fake thing, use the format to actually tell jokes and not take the subject so seriously, you got buried in your own subtlety. Also, it might just be me but it kind of bugged me the title was in two different fonts, and wasn't really about the pilot - he wasn't actually a stalker (which might have been funnier if he was), even Charles Manson Disease would have been a better title. Hope this helps!
Oct 26, 2017 at 4:07pm
Pretty much as the title says would love feedback on our pilot. What went wrong? Was it the joke weren't landing, was the story not engaging enough, were the effects not good enough, did the title suck, and etc? First time submitting and I would love to apply all advice, notes, and tips to the next time I submit in January! :)
Oct 26, 2017 at 3:47pm
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