The High Desert - Jan 2018 Rejection
on Jan 24, 2018
Didn't see you at the screening because I don't know what you look like. They just recently started a 101 Facebook community and I think if you join and post in that, you'll find countless people that need gaffers at DPs.
Jan 29, 2018 at 1:22am
Hi Dan, I think with these pilots they've really got to be funny constantly and some of your jokes didn't quite land and the whole sketch (I agree with the others too) seemed to build only to the one reveal at the end. I like the concept and obviously the production value is great, just needs some narrative and more comedy.
Jan 28, 2018 at 9:33am
Thank you both for the great feedback! Yeah I tried to be clever by having the main character as more of a brick wall and the bartender character going through an arc but there just wasn't enough there for that to work.
I'd also like to add that I work as a gaffer and DP and would be down to work with other Channel 101ers in the future. I'll likely be at the theatre tomorrow so perhaps I'll meet some of you.
Jan 27, 2018 at 3:40am
Hi Dan! I was on the panel this month! I loved your production value, like Alex said. The coloring, the set, it all looked amazing.
I think you would benefit from hiring some people a bit more experienced in acting. Some of the lines came across robotic and didn't grip me as real emotions.
Also as Alex said, this felt like a singular sketch. Ending a short in the same place as it started doesn't really make the audience crave more.
Overall, we really enjoyed this and I personally look forward to your future submissions!
Jan 26, 2018 at 8:38pm
I wasn't on the panel this month but I could try to add some insight.
I think this comes across much more of a sketch than a story. The difference being is that's just beats of a guy in hell thinking all the hell stuff is fun vs a guy in hell trying to get out of hell or some other goal. Giving the main character a goal is always a solid way to get a story going.
Your production value is great, however you may benefit from adding a few scenes and locations (though not a dealbreaker by any means, having shows in just one room the whole five minutes gets a bit stale).
Congrats on your first submission and glad to hear you're submitting more!
Jan 24, 2018 at 10:49pm
First time making something for Channel 101 and it won't be the last! But between the writing, shooting and editing I've been living in this one too long so some outside criticism would be great.
We've always wanted to do a Twilight Zone style show about the High Desert because we live up here and it's weird as shit.
Jan 24, 2018 at 10:24pm
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