Would love feedback on rejected pilot: Graphic
on Apr 26, 2018
Hi Andy! I was at panel last month so can hopefully lend some good advice! Firstly, so excited to have more submissions from female writers/directors. This was really well done.
My advice would be that you could have lost multiple elements and the audience would have been more engaged in the story. I think you could have cut one of the three main people, not because anyone wasn't great but because it's easier to follow when you aren't hearing as many different POVs.
Like-wise, less lines/appearances from the boss, that's just another character we are forced to care about within a short amount of time.
The comedy was there for me, just needed everything to be a little simpler, clearer, and more justified.
Overall, I'm so impressed by this, I had a lot of fun watching it and can't wait to see more.
May 01, 2018 at 9:03pm
I think this is a very good pilot for your first submission! Itís a lot better than many other first-time submissions Iíve seen so youíre definitely on the right track. I wasnít at the panel but I assume this was a contender.
I guess my biggest criticism is that none of the comedy really worked for me. Everyone was pretty amiable on camera regardless so I found myself still liking you all even though I wasnít really laughing.
Iím glad you were able to pack all that story into five minutes. For future reference, the simpler the story the better (especially for five minutes). I think it could still be finessed a bit more. Some chaff can be lost and certain more essential story elements could be drawn bolder/clearer so they hit harder. For example, I donít think the irony of the accidental bathroom escape room reads as well it should.
If your main question is salvage or start from scratch, first Iíd say reframe the question. You donít need to salvage anything. I think you can be proud of this, take the experience gained & lessons learned and then move on and make a new show that will be even better.
Hope you submit something new soon!
p.s. - Twiggerís Holiday is the best.
Apr 29, 2018 at 3:34pm
Hi! I've been a huge fan of Channel 101 for years, starting with Twigger's Holiday which I discovered in 2009, thanks to my now husband. I've gone to several tapings and am consistently impressed and entertained!
It's been a dream to get a show accepted onto the big screen. And with the recent call for female directors and writers I had an even bigger urge to make a pilot. I have a lot to learn and the process has been eye opening, challenging and incredibly fun!
Was definitely bummed to find that our pilot wasn't accepted, but not discouraged. Competition is fierce and heck this was only our first try! So right now we're trying to decide between starting from scratch or salvaging what we have made. Any and all feedback is incredibly welcome!
(A big issue for us was getting our story to fit within 5 minutes.)
Here's a link to the pilot: https://youtu.be/WOC9HAuWHwc
Thank you all!
Apr 26, 2018 at 6:34pm
You have to log in to comment. If you aren't registered yet,
© Channel 101. All rights reserved.