Rejectee Therapy for Feedback for "Lost in confusion"
Started by Bram Stuyven on Jul 25, 2019
  • Hey Bram,

    I haven't been in Rejectee Therapy recently since I haven't been on the pilot selection panel this year but just found your thread because I didn't like the disparaging comment you left on the Chess page about The Bachelor but with Dads. But seeing that you have self proclaimed "bad english", I'm going to assume maybe you meant it as a joke and I read your tone wrong. But now I'm here and I've watched your pilot and would like to give feedback on your feedback to Brett's feedback.

    First, I wanna take a moment to explain how pilot selection works at Channel 101 because based on some of your questions, I think you may be confused. The live audience watches the ten shows and votes on their five favorites. Those five become the primetime show and they get to make another episode AND they become "the panel" and they watch all the submitted pilots and pick which new pilots screen the following month. So there is no mandate from above, there is no "channel101" that decides what we are looking for. It's just five or so people in a room, seeing what makes them laugh (or something else if the pilot isn't a comedy). Brett was obviously on the panel because his show was voted back the previous month and will be on the panel once more for the August screening. I know it sucks to get rejected but the answer is not to focus on visual gags or to try to chase something that Brett specifically likes. Always focus on what you like and hopefully that will strike a chord with the panel.

    I can't speak for Brett but I'm assuming the reason he didn't specifically mention a lot of stuff you are asking about is because he didn't think it was funny and was being polite. I'll be more blunt -- what you refer to as syntactical humor and satire just wasn't funny or clever or interesting. And I say this as a staunch leftist. I wasn't on the panel but I promise you, they understood the jokes and satire.

    I agree with Brett that you need to focus on story. I don't know what this show is and I don't know what episode two would look like. Start with a character and give that character a clear goal and put obstacles in the way. And make your jokes better. Everything is forgiven if it makes people laugh.
    Aug 07, 2019 at 9:08pm
  • Dear Sheriff,

    I thank you for taking the time to help us out over here.

    However as feedback on the feedback, it seems like the only thing that worked where the visual gags and not as much the syntaxical humor like "why they got to put the freaking socialist door on the right?", or "the council of the guardians of the galaxy, f.y.i. we were first, we got a copyright on the name".
    We asumed channel 101 enjoied the 'spoken' form of humor since it invites people with acces to only low production value, meaning visual comedy is mostly of the table.

    Since we heard nothing about the satire in the piece, the symbolism and the overall message, we asume that that is not what channel 101 is looking for? Meaning we should be working on the visual gags?
    Whit satire, symbolism and message we mean respectively:
    -the segeants stripes changeing to an oil drop (satire on american emperialism)
    -how the 'white' bunny talks, in contrast to the 'black' bear (symbolises the absurdness of labeling race and its aspects)
    -the ignorant protagonist cousing trouble by having a strong opinion without knowing anything about both sides of the conflict (message: selfexplanatory)

    Most Kind regards from Bram
    Jul 27, 2019 at 4:26pm
  • Hey Bram,

    Regarding the criticisms you addressed, I honestly found your English to be fine. If anything, your accents were charming. However, I do agree with clarity. It’s hard to spark curiosity when we don’t know what to be curious about. Settling on more of a concrete idea and studying up on story structure could really help. Would recommend googling “Dan Harmons Story Circle”.

    Here’s what worked for me. The intro, I enjoyed its high intensity and style. I also enjoyed when the bear threw a remote control at the other bear and his army hat popped off. That joke did well in the room. Outside of that, the jokes weren’t landing with the panel. Especially with the bunny character.
    Jul 27, 2019 at 12:06am
  • Well, made a pilot, rejected pilot, that's why i'm here.

    The following i am already asuming:
    -bad english
    -clarity

    The latter of which was planned since it is a pilot and it should spark couriosity.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OgxU3Z8UMJU&t=82s

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AXJARpinALQ (subbed)
    Jul 25, 2019 at 5:16pm
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