Hi Tom!
Sorry for the late response.
So, I think the issue here is mainly that the jokes weren't really landing on panel. The pacing of the editing is also a bit strange at moments, which can also really make a difference in how jokes play.
When it comes to story, it felt like the plot was constantly shifting. It seemed like the mannequin was going to be the focus of the episode, then the focus shifted to Tomato Jones in the last couple minutes. You could maybe get away with something like this if the transitions were cleaner, but I'd probably recommend trying to focus on one simple, clean arc and getting those jokes to play.
That said, I agree with Clayton. Really hope you keep submitting.
There's some potential here. Although I did not quite understand the ending I wanna inspire you to make more stuff. Can't wait to see what you come up with next.
Sorry for the late response.
So, I think the issue here is mainly that the jokes weren't really landing on panel. The pacing of the editing is also a bit strange at moments, which can also really make a difference in how jokes play.
When it comes to story, it felt like the plot was constantly shifting. It seemed like the mannequin was going to be the focus of the episode, then the focus shifted to Tomato Jones in the last couple minutes. You could maybe get away with something like this if the transitions were cleaner, but I'd probably recommend trying to focus on one simple, clean arc and getting those jokes to play.
That said, I agree with Clayton. Really hope you keep submitting.
https://tinyurl.com/y36qq57c