on Apr 27, 2014
That feedback is helpful.
May 02, 2014 at 2:49pm
Hey Cooper this was a lot of fun and looked great. You've got a lot of the tools in place that most people don't. Keep making shows. Fun performers in this and a pretty fun and bizarre story.
I'd say, for me, the biggest hurdle was that structurally it felt off. It didn't really feel like a show. In that first minute of the show (the first minute is so crucial) it was hard to tell if our hero was the delivery guy or the girls - It took us a minute into the show (1/3 of the way) to understand the magic nature of the packages these girls get. And then it takes us until 1:30 (halfway through the show) to set-up a problem they need to overcome (the girl wanting to kick their ass). It's a bit unbalanced. For the first minute of the show we're asking a lot of questions and kind of impatiently waiting for the characters to answer them for us. You're making your audience do a lot of work to understand what your show is. I think there're ways that kind of storytelling can work, but it alienated me from the show.
"I Can't Open This," has a similar non-show short-film feel, but because we know the character wants to open this jar we're on board with her story from 15 seconds into the show, and then when she's tasked to find a dog we continue to be on board.
Experiment with a show where you make it crystal clear who the main character is from the first 15 seconds, and you give them something to overcome or accomplish within the first 30 seconds. See where that takes you. There's ways to give yourself that rule and then have fun with it, and it's more digestible as a Channel 101 show.
Hope this feedback is helpful.
Apr 27, 2014 at 3:50pm
A few days late, but here it is.
Apr 27, 2014 at 3:02pm
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